


i can still taste you (like it was yesterday)

by eggrater



Category: Figure Skating RPF
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, M/M, and i just went with it, i wanted to do fluff but then this idea just hit me, im so sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-07
Updated: 2017-05-07
Packaged: 2018-10-29 02:44:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,068
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10844841
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eggrater/pseuds/eggrater
Summary: “Same thing with you and Yuzuru-kun. Maybe he left or you left or both of you left. Maybe it has ended. But that doesn’t mean you can’t love each other in a different way.” Satoko said, smiling fondly before patting Shoma’s shoulder once again and went to talk to Mai.





	i can still taste you (like it was yesterday)

**Author's Note:**

> hello! it's me again. I decided to write a YuzuSho angst this time (despite my mutuals in twitter were all against it i'm sorry guys ily) but here you go. The title and the lyrics inside the fic is from San Francisco - 5SOS. 
> 
> Enjoy! Say hi to me on twitter: @emergency3A :D

Milan, 2018

Shoma watched as Yuzuru glides on the ice, his sparkly costume hugging his slender body perfectly. The spotlight is following the older skater, as he did a Biellman spin, and the crowds were roaring. Shoma watched as Yuzuru’s hand reached out as the part of the choreography, and pulled it in again. Shoma watched as the now 3 times world champion landed another quadruple lutz. Shoma watched how beautiful Yuzuru on the ice.

Yuzuru changed his exhibition program. It was a song from an Australian band, 5 Seconds of Summer, called San Francisco. Shoma listened to the music when he first heard about the news, and he knew.

_I can still taste you like it was yesterday_

_Making plans to rule the world, you were more than I deserved_

_I see you running in the sand, long hair blowing in the wind_

_Never thought that it would end_

Boyang beside him patted his shoulder. It was still hard for them to communicate, but Shoma knows Boyang understand. To be with Yuzuru for as long as Shoma could remember and to have it completely ended in one second, the pain was unbearable.

“ _I’m sorry._ ” Yuzuru’s voice rang painfully in Shoma’s ears. “ _I’m sorry, but we can’t do this anymore. Not right now_.”

Shoma understands Yuzuru still wanted to focus on his skating career. Yuzuru still have the chance to win competitions after competitions. The man just claimed his second Olympics gold, Javi will retire after Worlds and Patrick retired right after Olympics. Shoma understands his ex-lover still wanted to do more in his life, to win more competitions, to get more gold medal, and to fulfill his dream; landing the quadruple axel.

Shoma understands.

And being perfectly honest, Shoma wasn’t surprised. He knew they were too young and too stupid to be together right now. They still have to sort their feelings out. They still have a lot of things to do in their life. Shoma wasn’t surprised, but it still hurts.

Mihoko knew from first glance when Shoma fell on each and every one of his jumps on the first day of practice after Yuzuru broke up with him. All he could think was Yuzuru’s distant eyes and sad smile on his lips, and he felt numb. It didn’t hurt when he fell on his quadruple flip. It’s still nothing compared to Yuzuru’s final “ _I will always love you_.”

Mihoko knew, so she softly put an arm on Shoma’s shoulder before hugging him tightly. Shoma cried. He cried for the first time since Yuzuru closed his room door. He cried silently, tears falling on Mihoko’s shirt. The sweet woman let go before wiping Shoma’s tears away, telling him he could go and rest for the day.

Shoma was angry. He was angry to Yuzuru, to himself. Why did he even bother saying “ _I will always love you_ ” when Shoma knows all too well he was leaving? Why did he even keep up with Shoma all this time if he’s going to leave either way? Why did he call Shoma “ _Sho-chan_ ” and ruffle Shoma’s hair before planting small kisses on the top of his head? Why did he kiss Shoma’s gold medal when Shoma beat him at Four Continents? Why did he dedicate his Olympics gold medal just for Shoma if he’s going to leave?

On top of all, Shoma was angry to himself because he still loves the man to death.

Yuzuru just finished his performance, bowing to the audiences who roared, giving him standing ovations. Milan is loud, even though nothing would beat Japan. Yuzuru glided off the ice, and Shoma could see a glimpse of tears in the older man’s eyes from where he was standing. Javier opened his arms, and Yuzuru fell into his. Yuzuru was shaking, and Shoma hated the fact that it wasn’t him who’s holding him, telling him it’s going to be okay.

(Little did Shoma know he was the reason behind the tears)

After this is the gala finale, so Shoma walked near the rink to prepare. He smiled at Satoko who just took the world title from Evgenia by wide margin, and Satoko gave him an understanding look. The female skater patted Shoma’s back. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine.” Shoma shrugged. “It was a mutual decision.”

It wasn’t.

“But you know he still loves you, right?” Satoko asked him, concerned.

“Satton,” he sighed. “If he does, he wouldn’t leave.”

“Remember last year when Mao-chan retired and Kanako-chan retired a short time after that? They left competitive figure skating. Does that mean they don’t love competing anymore? No, right?” Satoko looked at Shoma, sharp into his eyes. “Sometimes you just have to leave, even if you love something so much. Look at Fernandez-san. He loved skating with all his heart, and he just delivered his final performance tonight. But then after that, there would be another day. He would go pro, and he can still show how much he loves the ice, just not by competing.”

Shoma glanced at Yuzuru. Their eyes met. Shoma looked away.

“Same thing with you and Yuzuru-kun. Maybe he left or you left or both of you left. Maybe it has ended. But that doesn’t mean you can’t love each other in a different way.” Satoko said, smiling fondly before patting Shoma’s shoulder once again and went to talk to Mai.

Shoma thought about Satoko’s words during the finale. He watched Yuzuru smiling under the spotlight, looking up to the audiences, joking around with another skaters, hugging Javier for what felt like eternity, final quad battle with Javier, taking pictures, and other things, while he’s trying to hang out with Boyang and Nathan. “You not going talk? Yuzuru?” Boyang asked.

Shoma shook his head, smiling. “It fine.”

He bumped into Javier and the Spanish skater smiled. “Javi. _Otsukaresama deshita_. Performance was beautiful.” He said.

“Thank you, Shoma.” Javi said, smiling softly. “You did amazing too. Two silver medals in Worlds already. I can see you taking gold next year.”

Shoma chuckled. “Yuzu-kun wouldn’t like.” Saying his name hurts. God, his name is still so bitter on his tongue.

“That kid … you know he thinks you deserve all the things the world could offer, right?” Javier looked at Shoma before giving that one soft smile again. “Yuzu loves you, Shoma.” He skated away.

Maia and Alex were beside him when they were taking the group picture. Maia lifted his hand to do a fist bump and Shoma let out a small laugh, doing what she wanted as Alex’s holding his vlogging camera. “Gold medal. Congratulations.” Shoma said.

“Thank you, Shoma. Congratulations for your second medal in Worlds, too.” Maia smiled fondly. “We heard some rumors. Is it true?” She asked carefully and Shoma knew. He nodded. “Are you okay?” He nodded again. Maia patted his head. “Yuzu loves you a lot.”

Shoma didn’t say anything, and Maia and Alex were called to take a picture with Yuzuru, Satoko, Wenjing and Cong. Shoma still couldn’t help but wondered why everyone said that. Clearly Yuzuru left him, what do you mean he loves him a lot? With a present tense, that is? Shoma’s English might be bad, but he knows.

Shoma could feel Yuzuru’s eyes on him throughout the finale.

_Leaves fall from the tallest trees_

_Even mountains crumble into the sea_

_Holding on to memories_

_And I can't let go_

***

Saitama, 2019

It’s Yuzuru’s final performance.

For a whole year, their relationship has been improving. At least they talk, even though it got a little bit awkward sometimes. Yuzuru smiled at him a lot. They interact at JSF events. Yuzuru started to mess with him again at gala finales. They did the wedding joke again. And Shoma is still so in love with him.

Yuzuru landed the first quadruple axel in the Grand Prix Final, claiming his 6th title. This year, Shoma was next to him as silver. Yuzuru laughed at him when he fell from the podium out of clumsiness, yet reached out to help him. Shoma fell in love all over again.

And today, after closing his amazing career with a silver world medal from Saitama, with just 0,9 points difference from Shoma, Yuzuru announced his retirement from competitive figure skating. He bowed deeply to the audiences, all holding a tissue, sobbing. Shoma was the first who initiated the hug. He skated closer to the older skater and put his arms around him. Yuzuru was surprised, Shoma could tell, but then he hugged Shoma back and everyone came to have a group hug.

After the super emotional gala, they all got back to the hotel. Shoma just wanted some sleep. He didn’t know being the world champion would be this busy, especially when it’s held in Japan. He was waiting for the lift when Yuzuru showed up next to him.

“ _Otsukaresama deshita_.” Shoma said, not looking at him.

“ _Arigatou,_ Shoma. For everything.”He said, and Shoma is still not looking. “It was all thanks to you.”

Shoma chuckled. “It was your hard work, quadruple axel-san.”

“It was you.” He said.

“Yuzu-kun?”

“Yeah?”

“Can we talk?” Shoma asked, and Yuzuru’s silent. The lift opened and Shoma entered first. “Room 826.” He closed the lift and left.   


***

Yuzuru came.

He sat down on the sofa, smiling. “What do you want to talk about, Shoma?”

“How do you feel, Yuzu-kun? About me?” Shoma sat down on the bed, going right straight to the point. He doesn’t have time for small talks. He wants to sleep. Yuzuru was slightly surprised at the question, but he smiled, distant and sad, before finally answering.

“I told you that day. _I will always love you_. Do you think I’m not holding onto my own words?”

“So why did you leave?” Shoma blurted out. He needs to get this out, he needs to get all these feelings he’s been holding to himself out. “If you loved me, why did you leave? If you truly loved me, why did you end things? Why?” His voice cracked, and he could see thousands of emotions in Yuzuru’s eyes.

“We needed to, Shoma.” Yuzuru said. “You needed to focus on your skating career. You still have a long way ahead of you. I needed to practice harder, and I wanted the best for my last season. When we got together, I have to admit it wasn’t the best decision. We were so young and foolish, and we still had a long way ahead of us. But that didn’t mean I stopped loving you. _God_ , I never did.”

Shoma didn’t say anything.

“You were the best thing that had ever happened in my life. It was your smile that helped me getting through bad days of training, through popped and failed jumps. It was the thought of you laughing that helped me winning competitions and competitions. It was the thought of being with you on the podium that motivated me to always try my best.” Yuzuru continued. “Just—how was I supposed to fall out of love with you?”

Shoma felt tears falling down his cheeks, and the older skater reached out, trying to pull him into his arms, but he’s hesitant. So Shoma moved forward, hugging him tight, burying his face on Yuzuru’s shoulder. “Would you like to try again?” He asked carefully.

“Shoma, you—“

“I’m fine.” He said between sobs. “I’m fine, Yuzuru. I don’t get distracted. I can still skate my best even if you’re my lover. I’m fine. It would be better that way. I want you to be in my competitions as much as you can. I want to hug you whenever I win. I want to kiss you. I want to be able to tell the world that I’m in love with you and proudly say you’re mine and I’m yours. I’m fine. It would be even better.”

“Shoma—“

“ _Onegai_.”

Yuzuru pulled away, cupping Shoma’s cheeks with his hand. “Okay, but it’s not allowed to disturb your skating or your school, okay?”

Shoma smiled, bright and genuine. “Thank you.”

Yuzuru kissed the top of his head, and god knows how much Shoma missed the feeling. He shifted closer to feel Yuzuru’s warmth against his body, and he knows that he’s okay. They’re okay.

Everything is okay.

_I wanna get back to where we started to the summer night_

_You know, you know, you know, you know we got it right_


End file.
